whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
