fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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