and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's shark week go big or go home
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
