I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
