break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
