I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
