yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
