I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize