I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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