Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
