Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A bitchslap is in order.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
