Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
