awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
