he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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