My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
