Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
