um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
