I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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