somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
