the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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