Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
