as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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