just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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