he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
