you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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