this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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