just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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