I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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