just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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