She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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