Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
