Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
