I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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