I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
