I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
