I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
