I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
