Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
