feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
