I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
