The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How external is "for external use only"?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
