He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
