Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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