she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
