It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
