do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
