youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
