go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
