who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
