He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
