i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
