You can't motorboat a personality
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
