It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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