You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
