Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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