Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize