he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
