Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
