He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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