I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
