Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
