hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
