You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
tell me about the fingering
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