why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
