okay pat passed out under dana's car
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
