ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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