I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
