At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
