Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's Friday. Sex?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
