Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
