We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
