I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
