I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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