Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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