scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
