I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
