yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
