Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
