I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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